RAUK - Archived Forum - Jokes

This contains the Forum posts up until the end of March, 2011. Posts may be viewed but cannot be edited or replied to - nor can new posts be made. More recent posts can be seen on the new Forum at http://www.herpetofauna.co.uk/forum/

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Jokes:

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Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 04 Aug 2008

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Sue39666.3293287037
I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 06 Aug 2008

A scientist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog jumped across the room.

The scientist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, "Frog with four legs - jumped eight feet."

Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.

After measuring the distance, the scientist noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs - jumped three feet."

Next, the scientist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog just lay there.

"Jump, frog, jump!" the scientist repeated.

Nothing.

The scientist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
dave fixx
Senior Member
Joined: 13 Mar 2007
No. of posts: 319


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Posted: 13 Aug 2008
Clap
Dave Williams
davewilliamsphotography.co.uk
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 15 Aug 2008
Cheers. 
I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Dave1812
Member
Joined: 21 Sep 2008
No. of posts: 42


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Posted: 24 Sep 2008
Don't give up the day job!! 
David Hind
Wildlife Trust (Cumbria) - Member
Solway AONB - Volunteer
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 14 Oct 2008

[QUOTE=Dave1812] Don't give up the day job!!  [/QUOTE]

 


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 16 Apr 2010

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

& last but certainly not least...

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

 

Ultimate True Test:

Lock your wife and your dog in the boot of your car for an hour.

Then open the boot & see who's the happiest to see you!


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
superdart
Member
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
No. of posts: 7


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Posted: 16 Apr 2010
Very good......
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 23 Apr 2010

Henry to miss World Cup after drugs shame...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


View other posts by Baby Sue
Posted: 23 Apr 2010

Friends of Irony


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 12 May 2010

Perfectly Timed Photos

 


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
superdart
Member
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
No. of posts: 7


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Posted: 13 May 2010
Great finds there.......
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 04 Jun 2010

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
marieluy143
Member
Joined: 11 Aug 2010
No. of posts: 2


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Posted: 02 Sep 2010
[QUOTE=Baby Sue]

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."

 

hahahaha.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[/QUOTE]
hair loss treatment | hair regrowth | stop hair loss
tim hamlett
Senior Member
Joined: 17 Dec 2006
No. of posts: 572


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Posted: 02 Sep 2010

a bloke was in the library when suddenly a chicken walked past him to the counter where it stopped, looked up at the librarian and said "book! book-book-book! book!" (sounds like a chicken clucking). the librarian gave the chicken five books and it left. half an hour later the chicken came back, looked up at the librarian again and said "book! book-book-book! book! book! the liabrarian gave it six books and it left. half and hour later it was back again doing exactly the same thing. this time the man decided to follow it to see what it was up to. the man followed the chicked down the road, through some woods to a pond. the chicken stopped at the pond where a frog was waiting on a lilly pad. the chicken looked at the frog, put one of the books down in front of it and said "book!"  the frog looked at the book then looked at the chicken and said "rrrrrrreddit!"

sorry


Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


View other posts by Baby Sue
Posted: 06 Sep 2010


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
tim hamlett
Senior Member
Joined: 17 Dec 2006
No. of posts: 572


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Posted: 06 Sep 2010
a man walks into the doctors with a frog on his head. the doctor says, "thats odd. how did it start" and the frog replies, "it started as an abscess on me bum!"
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


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Posted: 03 Dec 2010

25 pics of Gary Busey looking pretty much insane

Source: www.holytaco.com/25-pics-gary-busey-looking-pretty-much-insa ne


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
Baby Sue
Senior Member
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
No. of posts: 412


View other posts by Baby Sue
Posted: 06 Dec 2010


I wanted presents from lots of you. Snot fair that Ben Rigsby was the only one to send me Xmas & birthday presents.
superdart
Member
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
No. of posts: 7


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Posted: 08 Jan 2011
There are some realy good ones there ............ great finds.

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